i'ts all set

They phoned me from the hospital to tell me my surgery was set for tuesday. I try to prepare myself but I am really scared. I try not to read what's on the internet but at the same time I cannot help myself. I want to connect with someone who is going through what I am going through. Then I start to read all the horrible stories out there. I start to read that my hair will fall out and that I will have more depression, and gain lots of weight. I am terrified of losing my hair. God I am so scared I wish you could come down and tell me I will be ok. I wish you could tell me in person that you will not give me a cross I cannot bear. I just do not get why me.

Perfect example today I came across my crazy sister in law who attacked me physically. It has been months since the assault. I guess she started to come around again. I am not blaming my mother in law because as a mom she is concerned and after all that is her daughter. However this was not the first time she tried to hit me. The first time I just walked away. She said some mean things to me and I overlooked it for the sake of the family. She never apologized for it either. A couple of months later she come up drunk wanting to hit me. I yelled at her to shut up and leave and that is when she charged at me. Thank God my husband was there so that he could see with his own two eyes what she did to me. She later turned and kicked my sister in the stomach with the heel of her shoe. When my husband defended her she turned on him too and attacked him physically and verbally.

She needs help and I get that. However I do not see her going in to rehab or changing her ways.

What I do see happening is that she will be on her best for now till she get's back in and then she will have her breakdown again and hit someone again. As far as I am concerned I will never trust her again. This may create problems and a wedge between my mother in law and me. However I know I am a good person and all I ever do is give people chances and personally I am tired of being a hypocrite. In the end all I want to be is neutral towards her. I do not wish evil on her but at the same time I do not need her toxicity in my life. Especially going through all the shit that I am going through. Too much on my plate. My mother in law has to know me by now. I have been there for her when she was sick and her daughter could care less. If she chooses to side with her. I wish them well.