LID

I am on the LID which is a low iodine diet and I have to be on this diet for two weeks. Basically everything has iodine in it so I am limited to wholesome fruits and veggies :) It is the second time on this diet. The first time I was dealing with the stress of my father dying and then he passed and I was still on this diet. I basically did not eat so this was double hard on me. Then I was told the shots were not available to get off the diet. I was so upset I think the doc should have called me to tell me to stop the diet. Anyway Now I am on it again and I am having trouble sticking to it and I am cheating a bit. Sometimes I just eat Matzo crackers and put peanut butter on it because I just don't want to think about it. I do feel more tired than normal but can't be helped. Anyway I know my hubbie is a little stress about the scan because he admitted it to me. I hate that I got Cancer but in a lot of ways it has made me and us stronger. I know he loves me and has seen how much I have been through this year. I feel his love and that is all I need. I know he loves me no matter what. Priceless. I would like to dedicate the song called "God gave me you" by Blake Shelton to him. I love you:)

sadness

Why is it that I feel so heavy. I feel this black hole all around me threatening to consume me. I wish I knew how to let go of it all but it seems like it is such a part of me. Some people are born with good looks, money and or great lives and I just feel like I exist. I am here like the wind passing through life. I miss Dad every day and it is so hard. I feel like some people understand grief and yet no one wants to talk about it. I talk to Mom about Dad but it hurts her too. I really have no friends to talk to about this. I think the few that I have talked to don't really want to hear it. I start the LID diet soon and I am not looking forward to that stress of it. I know I forever have to get tested for cancer and I just have to deal with it. I cannot fall apart every time I have an appt for this stuff. I just feel like it makes me anxious all over again. I will deal with all of it because this too is part of life. I have had to learn this too soon I feel but then again you have babies and children dealing with Cancer at such a young age. Life is not fair I feel but who am I to question this.