Wishes

Vacant souls with pure hearts
thumping up a storm
Shattered dreams with anchored faces
muddled up and in a roar
Storm weathered with cracked smiles and shovels pilling with salty tears
tomorrow the wind whispers the sky will clear
Behind me I hear mumbles and grumbles
Pockets of rocks mounting all corners
willing my leaded legs to roam they stand as if in quick sand
Frozen wishes are scattered all around me too fragile to touch
I reach and open the window and life lifts me
I closed my eyes so tight and feather flew

Just the way life is

Last year I was so annoyed with the fact that every time I saw a commercial it was related to depression and some new anti depressant drug out there. If you were not depressed you became it by listening to those commercials. Now it seems like I do not even hear the depression commercials because it seems like every commercial is catering to announcing some cancer center and if not then it's some new drug that can affect someone who has cancer or a history of it and if not then it's a law firm saying if you got cancer because of exposure to this or that then call. I wish there was a way that I could pick the types of commercials that come on. Every where I turn, I hear something about cancer it seems like I will always be reminded of it in some way or other.
Anyway I am sleeping better finally I was prescribed medication called Amitriptyline. Ironically it is also used as an antidepressant. In my case the gastro suspects the vagus nerve was damaged during the thyroidectomy. There is no test for it and there is no cure. I can get only symptomatic relief. There is so many things that have gone so unexpectantly with this surgery. Today I walked in the snow and was struggling to breathe. I feel like I have asthma now. John told me to see a speech therapist so she could teach me to breathe better. So much has changed I try not to cry and feel sorry for myself. New years is around the corner and I am afraid to even wish. Last year John said it would be our year and look what happened. I need to pick myself up but I feel really down. God I know you are listening please let things just get better from now on.