Counting the days

The clock is ticking and I am very present in time. The days seem to go too quickly and I cannot stop the inevitable. I know I should have faith and I do but it does not stop this fear that comes over me. So much conflicting information out on the internet it is hard to distinguish what is what. My nerves are getting to the better of me at this point. No one really wants to talk about the Elephant in the room. I wish I could just sleep until the day of surgery. If I cry it seems like I am throwing a pity party. So I am frozen and just shuffle a long and do the things that a big girl is supposed to do. My sister took me shopping for hospital bottoms and I could care less. I mentioned that dad may have to do the embolization for his liver tumors and she just shook her head. If he does the procedure next week I might still be re covering from my surgery. That is the least. According to doctors with his bad heart he may not make it out or he may end up having a heat attack. The last 3 times they tried he went in to abnormal heart rhythm and they stopped the procedure. Now they still have not determined whether it is cancer but they are still growing. I have a lot on my plate right now. I just do not need this added worry. I guess I cannot control what the guy above decides.