despair

I had the surgery on June 22 and since then I have been so sick. I am grateful that the cancer is gone. I just wish I was not so sick. I cry day in and day out from my frustrations. I feel like I am losing my mind. I am finally learning to sleep with pain. I did not think this was possible. It's almost like your mind and body adapt somewhat to it in order to survive. I wake up a lot with my stomach feeling like it's on fire and I feel very nausous. My lower back hurts so much and my chest feels tight and sometimes feel sharp little stabs. Doctor said she never came across a patient that had issues like this after thyroidectomy. I almost feel like maybe I am making this whole issue up. Then the acids start to produce and I know this is real pain. I have no conrol over it. I have control to a certain extent how I react to people because of it. I try not to be so sad and misrable or angry. I am. I see people making summer plans and I am jeoulus. I want to swim and spend a day in the park and I cannot. I feel like my life is no life is waking up to this sickness. The doctor changed my calcium to one that should not irritate my stomach as much as the other one and I still feel sick. I just started this yesterday so I am hoping and praying I will get better. My friend said to read the book of Job. I am and I am praying a lot. I plead for his mercy and some relief.