Will I ever be a mom???

Second entry in one day. Must have a need to talk. My therapist is going on vacation for the next week so I guess I will have to figure things on my own. Well at least for a week anyways.

Nope I am not a mom yet although I have been married for quite sometime. I have thought about this child for so long. At first it seemed it was not the time, then it was but something came up, then it was not the right time again, always something. The thing is that time is not on my side. I am getting older and it is now or never. I am scared. Sometimes I just want to give up on the whole motherhood thing. Then I find myself looking at pregnant women or newborn babies and I want to cry. It seems so easy for everyone else. I am not asking for much. In fact all I ask in life is for this damn depression to leave me alone so I can be happy with my wonderful husband and maybe just maybe be blessed with a wonderful child. That I can teach to be loving, kind and give his mommy kisses.