Just feeling shitty

Oh my Goodness I want to scream. My sister and I just buck and buck at this point I am not sure whose fault it is. Frankly nor do I care. All I can say is that it's exhausting. I try and we just do not see eye to eye. What is it with us? Arguing as kids was one thing but arguing as two grown women is bananas. I wish at this stage we could be more like a Norman Rockwell painting of sisters but I guess not. I swear to you I hate those shows that show that perfect family where the mom is cooking and the husband comes in and kisses the wife. Then he walks over and pets the family dog who usually has a silly happy name like brownie or max. Then daddy picks up his newspaper and with the other hand places his pipe in his mouth. Then like the king of the castle that he is settles in this big comfy recliner. The children run around him excited that he is home. As if on cue they sit down to have a nice homemade dinner where they get to make small talk about the days events. June went to gymnastic and Matt went to soccer. The calendar on the refrigerator is full of family events; recitals, dentist appt, tea with granny and of course the traditionally sunday brunch at moms.

I hate these shows because life was not like that for me. Yea it could have been worst but it sure could have been better. Nope I grew up in a dilapidated building. The elevator smelled like urine and the concierge was the crackhead that opened the door as he exited with crack in hand. Usually inside my apt was a long line of crackheads waiting for their crack. Yep can you imagine coming home from school to find people zombie like waiting to get drugs. Some of them briefcase in hand because in case people don't know white corporate america does drugs too. It was not just latinos and blacks waiting for their" fix". To tell you the truth I am not sure how I did many things given those circumstances. I learned to expect nothing. It was easier that way. If you got something fine and if you did not that was life. I numbed myself. That's how I survived.