Words seem empty

I am feeling really low and I do not know how to get out of this hole. I am praying God has not grown weary of my pleads and tears. I am simple folk with a simple plea. I guess I should get in line with the thousands of mothers who are also pleading for health for their children at sloan kettering. My pain is real and I have grown tired of hearing myself feel sick. I moan and groan and it echos. My doctors have quietly turned away they are stumped and do not know what to say. I want to make plans for my future and all I do is make appts to get me through the next day. Too many doctors names to remember, too many dates of important information, too many pills I have tried in a short time. I am here with no Cancer for now so I should be grateful but I am also sick. I never was sick like this for so long. My body seems to have turned against me. Angry I am not sure what. My mind is relentless and plays all sorts of tricks on me. Every time I see a bump I think it could be Cancer. I will have to learn to stop asking Why? Who made that word anyway. It is hollow and hurtful.