night before scan

hey,
night before body scan and I kind of can't sleep. I am not sure how this work. I guess I may get results tomorrow as to whether the cancer spread or not. I am praying it did not. Anyway I woke up with nauseau. Yesterday I spent the day crying for myself. So many changes in short period of time it is so hard to adjust to all these medications and doctor visits. I can't imagine what people do when they have children and this type of situation going on. Interestingly I also see through this who can truly give affection and who is uncomfortable with it. My sister is spending more time outside of the house. I felt hurt cause I think she is running away from me. Her friend has offered her a key to stay at her place and at night she has been staying over there and coming in the mornings. I asked her why she was doing this and she says she "needs some a lone time". I get it and I guess I do not. The fact is that she was here over 7 months and did not need a lone time. She barely left this house nor did she like it if we did stuff on our own. She never thought to give us "our space". Now I am sick and I need her around me and she can't deal with it. Does it hurt, I think so. At the same time I just have to focus on myself and get better. I will sort things out later. I know I will get used to being a lone one day it's just a lot has happened and I am scared. I mean I have not returned to my room since radiation treatment. I cried so much in that room during those 3 days that I can't go in there yet. so I am camped out in my living room. Which I do not think Julie likes. I think she feels like we are in her space. That is one of the reasons she leaves. I feel like she has to understand my predicament. She should also be more flex able. Anyway during this time it also has been hard cause I can't really go downstairs as much as I wold like to. My sister in law is now staying with her mom. I am happy she is helping her out cause she also just had surgery. Today she did n0t look like she was in good spirits either she was in a lot of pain. Well I am getting sleepy again and this is a good time. will try to sleep some before I have to get up and deal with the scan situation.