sadness

Why is it that I feel so heavy. I feel this black hole all around me threatening to consume me. I wish I knew how to let go of it all but it seems like it is such a part of me. Some people are born with good looks, money and or great lives and I just feel like I exist. I am here like the wind passing through life. I miss Dad every day and it is so hard. I feel like some people understand grief and yet no one wants to talk about it. I talk to Mom about Dad but it hurts her too. I really have no friends to talk to about this. I think the few that I have talked to don't really want to hear it. I start the LID diet soon and I am not looking forward to that stress of it. I know I forever have to get tested for cancer and I just have to deal with it. I cannot fall apart every time I have an appt for this stuff. I just feel like it makes me anxious all over again. I will deal with all of it because this too is part of life. I have had to learn this too soon I feel but then again you have babies and children dealing with Cancer at such a young age. Life is not fair I feel but who am I to question this.